tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38399665585110415342024-03-14T15:00:43.168+11:00Tropical SnowflakeDamana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.comBlogger840125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-26454982731034923302018-06-11T13:33:00.001+10:002018-06-11T13:33:58.497+10:00Don't Call Me Exotic<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My friend C and I often sit around over a shared plate discussing dating in Seattle. Not only Seattle but Sydney, London and all the other places we have lived.<br />
<br />
One thing we are quite adamant about is that we do not respond well to being identified as <i>exotic</i>.<br />
<br />
Peacocks anywhere but India are exotic.<br />
Moulin Rouge dancers are exotic.<br />
Cane toads destroying the Australian sugar fields are exotic.<br />
<br />
I however, am not.<br />
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If you see me that way, you need to travel more.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-42299755713598496042018-06-09T20:39:00.001+10:002018-06-09T20:39:31.679+10:00Trigger Warning<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It has been a long time since I wrote anything other than a book review that I'd share any more publicly than <i>instabookchat</i>. That is because it is hard to voice vulnerability when you are so far from home.<div>
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There are many reasons for that: Upsetting family who are too far away to help you; Worrying that your thoughts may scare the natives; and being publicly shamed for opening up on the whipping ground that is the Internet.</div>
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There are more but those are most certainly the top three that hinder my thought sharing.</div>
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What triggered this and many other things was waking up this morning to hear that <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/08/us/anthony-bourdain-obit/index.html">Anthony Bourdain</a> had committed suicide.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Truth be told, I had seen a few episodes of his different shows, read a little of his writing and knew he was dating a fabulous woman 20 years his junior. I wouldn't call myself a fan or a hater. He was the sarcastic loud American travel guy who managed to avoid being cringeworthy while educating Americans on the world outside their small untravelled world.</div>
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<br /></div>
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There are a few things that have bothered me about this whole situation that I feel must be addressed. Surely others will articulate it better but if I don't say it now, I will feel negligent. Negligent to those who suffer from depression; negligent to those who don't; and most certainly negligent to my own mental health.</div>
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Having suffered sever clinical depression for 3 years in my early 30s, Bourdain's and Kate Spade's deaths have triggered my biggest fear.</div>
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That fear is that I could find myself in that dark place again feeling that there are no other choices to escape the pain than to quit the whole game. I have too many tools now for that. I know when to ask for help and when to voice my pain to others so that the darkness never returns. But, and it is a loud and cautious but, what if there is a situation so dire that I don't get to catch myself before I fall?</div>
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News reports keep saying he was happy (even giddy) a week before his death so he can't have been depressed. That is the most naive nonsense I've heard in a long time.</div>
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<div>
Triggers don't take time to build up to make you snap. They are stressors that happen in an instant and cause you to immediately return to a mental state where you were at your worst. It is as if you never left the dungeon and the darkness. It feels like nothing else good has ever happened even if you were smiling last week.</div>
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<div>
Therapy teaches you to be mindful and catch yourself in those moments and then apply your tools to stop yourself from spiralling. Those tools may involve asking others for help, negating the lies your brain tells you or not making any decisions until you are safe enough to do so. There are many tools to help a depressed person but sometimes, Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that you can't even breathe let alone catch yourself.</div>
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For all the education out there, those who have not suffered mental illness (and some who have) don't get it. They don't understand how it works and how you don't.</div>
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We live in a society that wants to talk about it but we also don't want to because those who understand are afraid of triggering their demons.</div>
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This is hard to write. This is hard to say. But the pain is real for many.</div>
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You don't get over depression. Not really. You just learn to function and not be frozen in time by the pain. The fear of returning may be irrational but when you watch someone who rebroke and didn't escape it, the fear feels real.</div>
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Talk about it. The world is a better place for having you in. Me too.</div>
</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-34145788274339947682017-03-16T16:29:00.000+11:002017-03-16T16:29:42.610+11:00That most vulnerable moment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There is a moment each night that is the most raw time in my day.<br />
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It is the moment that I slow down and am nice to myself, without exception.<br />
<br />
Seattle winters and springs are cold and rainy times. The weather is grey. The people are grey. The deep long breaths are grey.<br />
<br />
When all is done in my day and work has wrapped, friends have shared hugs and wine and the door is locked behind me, I stop.<br />
<br />
My bra is flung in the clothes hamper. My shoes are shoved under my bed. Then. Then, I peel off my tights.<br />
<br />
Everything that happened in the day is replayed. Dashing to a friend in need; Listening patiently to some very mediocre male mansplaining my obvious mistakes in executing my job; Applying compassion when I don't quite understand why someone is melting down; Laughing until I snort coffee through my nose; and Getting shit done at work.<br />
<br />
Was a I good person?<br />
Did I treat everyone decently?<br />
Can I be strong yet gentle?<br />
Would my parents be proud of me?<br />
Do I like myself?<br />
<br />
I'm not sure how other people do it but I like this moment. It is my rawest moment. It is my kindest moment. It is how I plan to be better tomorrow.<br />
<br />
I often wonder how others end their days.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-77140287770027349652016-12-04T16:28:00.001+11:002016-12-04T16:28:52.282+11:002016 Didn't Suck<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSa53846MQTs6ZoHM7Rz56BGdWW4JAGqkkXj5-MUTE0W-hsK7tqBBz82Nt0A85IfnO5RJNsLXF44gKfir3q3ktQidrLEDKHgWzJEt4WntXJpXThjlPhsD27gEpnxMDAnm8LNaxSc1r8ys/s1600/optimism.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSa53846MQTs6ZoHM7Rz56BGdWW4JAGqkkXj5-MUTE0W-hsK7tqBBz82Nt0A85IfnO5RJNsLXF44gKfir3q3ktQidrLEDKHgWzJEt4WntXJpXThjlPhsD27gEpnxMDAnm8LNaxSc1r8ys/s320/optimism.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
As an eternal optimist, it takes some effort to listen to the way people are voicing their dislike of 2016. Despite what I think, it is important that I do listen and try to understand why people are so disappointed and dismayed at the last 11 months.<br />
<br />
In my short 40 years on this planet, I've seen the world change in ways I did not expect. Events like the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiananmen_Square_protests_of_1989">1989 Tiananmen Square protests</a>; the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arab_Spring">Arab Spring</a>; the <a href="https://www.nelsonmandela.org/omalley/index.php/site/q/03lv02424/04lv03370/05lv03390.htm">Collapse of Apartheid in South Africa</a>; and many other pivotal <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_rights">moments</a>/<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-globalization_movement">revolutions</a>/<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_social_movements">movements</a>.<br />
<br />
Apart from political disruption and change, just this year there have been significant discoveries in science like <a href="http://www.nature.com/nmeth/journal/v12/n3/full/nmeth.3315.html">mapping the epigenom</a>e; surprise concessions from religious leaders like the <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/religion/pope-francis-extends-special-permission-on-abortion/2016/11/21/ed0354ac-afda-11e6-bc2d-19b3d759cfe7_story.html?utm_term=.cc2d08508702">Pope allowing priests to absolve people of sins of abortion</a> (no, I'm not religious, just surprised); and the undeniable rise of <a href="https://off-guardian.org/2016/06/23/the-rise-of-the-corporatocracy/">Corpratocracy</a>.<br />
<br />
There are people swearing about the death of legendary entertainers from our lifetime. There are people screaming at people who voted a different way to them. There are people throwing their hands in air not knowing what to do. A lot of people think this year was awful and that the world is going to hell.<br />
<br />
I don't agree.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Has the world all of a sudden become a cesspool or are we just more aware of what is going on?</span><br />
<br />
I believe it is the latter.<br />
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The slow questioning of mainstream media, the rise and rise of social media and the increased pressure for individual critical thinking is pulling people away from their cat videos and making people think.<br />
<br />
Conspiracy theorists are running with this. Liberals are smugly nodding that they told you so. People who took TV and newspaper news as gospel are the ones who are finding this the most revealing. They are wondering if anyone can be trusted and are now looking for new leadership. I truly don't know the answer but I have faith in people doing what is best for the group and not just themselves.<br />
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These are interesting times. Thing is, they have always been interesting times. People are now awakening to the fact that mowing their lawns, finding bargains online and watching the Kardashians may not be all that matters.<br />
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Realities may have to be readjusted. People may have to give when they once took and take when they were once taken from. Societies may have to take a long look in the mirror and decide how to improve.<br />
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As an eternal optimist, I don't think this is a bad thing. It is an uncomfortable awakening but an awakening all the same.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-2199047006216135682016-06-10T09:31:00.000+10:002016-06-10T09:31:35.229+10:00Unsubscribing from All the Things<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaJ9TsYiRbFYTaRTbML94RY-AHnd8BQ9xBVmDniLgXcKnnY1un67mjvktVpXBPY10szUvjBrj24tzP0uAOw4S2KB6j0ObWQtA8J5cbGpFEhDnwzJO9HG9nYZ4eI3aRB_BGxR2Fo-YZHKc/s1600/onsale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaJ9TsYiRbFYTaRTbML94RY-AHnd8BQ9xBVmDniLgXcKnnY1un67mjvktVpXBPY10szUvjBrj24tzP0uAOw4S2KB6j0ObWQtA8J5cbGpFEhDnwzJO9HG9nYZ4eI3aRB_BGxR2Fo-YZHKc/s320/onsale.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
I reside in the home of consumerism and have been swept up in the ease at which everything comes to me in this country and specifically in Seattle, the home of delivery.<br />
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In my ongoing quest to consume less, I looked at where I am exposed to advertising which has so much say in what I buy. If you say it doesn't then I call bullshit on that.<br />
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The answer was in email and on Facebook.<br />
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I proceeded to unsubscribe from every email sent to me by a business. This has had me realise that they lie and keep sending stuff to you over and over until Google mail helps you unsubscribe. Yes, they mark those jerks as spam.<br />
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The second avenue is Facebook. I've stopped liking my friend's statuses that mention a brand of any kind. I'm also leaving all groups that are selling me something.<br />
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This has changed what I read in a day. Lets see what happens in a week.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-53693881498707723672016-06-07T16:16:00.000+10:002016-06-07T16:23:12.019+10:00A week of not buying everything I want<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/flying-car-animation-future-2015-8"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHzMs5VAfvzBdNnCErO_zeS31wbU3RVmv3p0LZdKLjliKwEI6EutEaHGPMT8dttJNRfOxQJeM-2YONjjcsK0UTUEVbKDcmYB2CyX6xgiZUXMWnrvPLRU_GE-himXp1Y_izRXmshdYcfqw/s320/jetsons.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Wow, is it difficult to not shop online constantly when you live in the US and work for Amazon?!<br />
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It's what the company I work for does best. Not just them but every online company in the US.</div>
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I can order everything online and have it delivered to my home with the only human inconvenience being dealing with my delivery guy (I joke):</div>
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<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Instant groceries via <a href="https://amzn.com/B00R20MPW2">Prime Now</a> and <a href="http://www.instacart.com/">Instacart</a>, if I'm unwilling to wait a day for <a href="https://fresh.amazon.com/welcome">Amazon Fresh</a>, <a href="http://www.safeway.com/">Safeway </a>and <a href="https://www.qfc.com/">QFC</a>;</li>
<li><a href="http://www.nwchristmastrees.org/washington/seattle/">Christmas trees</a> and people to pick up those <a href="http://www.seattle.gov/util/MyServices/LookItUpWhatsAccepted/Wood/ChristmasTrees/index.htm">Christmas trees when done</a>;</li>
<li><a href="https://www.boosterfuels.com/">Petrol/Gas</a> for your car;</li>
<li>A <a href="https://www.soothe.com/home">massage </a>at home;</li>
<li><a href="https://cora.life/">Organic tampons</a>;</li>
<li><a href="http://www.overstock.com/">Furniture</a>. Yes, <a href="https://www.jossandmain.com/">every </a><a href="https://www.onekingslane.com/">single </a><a href="http://www.houzz.com/">piece</a> of furniture you can imagine; and</li>
<li><a href="http://www.lastbottlewines.com/">Anything </a><a href="https://www.blueapron.com/">else </a>you can <a href="https://www.divebarshirtclub.com/">imagine</a>.</li>
</ul>
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We live in the future and I want my <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/flying-car-animation-future-2015-8">flying car</a>!</div>
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You think I joke, but I have pre-ordered two <a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/iphv/">Star Trek: TOS Bluetooth® Communicators</a>. One for my sister and one for myself.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/iphv/"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzpbBIDWBn4C3reXjRXekxrgPoWedvOIBz86SvbVR0saBWYhQbR2ocOQrhA2Zh_rlbnz4wihYgTbidPwxduUMk44FiRm0PFydbLtjhlXolmFRu0X9DclPv7xzsrv7xSG-bQxHenoIYteo/s320/iphv_st_tos_bluetooth_communicator.jpg" width="227" /></a></div>
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We live in a time when you can get anything you want. My smartphone is more powerful than the computer that landed man on the moon. My speakers hear my commands and turn my house lights on and off , read me the news and tell me the weather or time if I'm too lazy to lift up my so smartphone.<br />
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It is so easy to buy. It takes a level of mindfulness to wake up after a goodnight's sleep and cancel that order of plastic garden flamingos. Yes, that happened last week.<br />
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People joke that we once had arguments about facts and now google (with a small 'g') everything and <a href="http://www.snopes.com/">Snopes </a>it on the spot. I extend on that and say that we have a conversation and can act on every whim and buy any damn thing we want.<br />
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But do we need those things?<br />
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This week, I have decided to not by anything that I do not NEED. When I say need, it must be essential to my survival or maintaining my basic standard of living.<br />
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In the spirit of a good Amazonian, I decided to keep a Wish List of <a href="https://amzn.com/w/3E74L0V5UWB1U">A Week of Wants</a> and refuse to buy anything that didn't go under the banner of essential.<br />
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I'm not saying I will buy them in a week but I am keeping a list of everything I would have purchased given the chance.<br />
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This will be both informative and confronting.<br />
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Would you face your inner consumer and not be disgusted?</div>
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Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-35687202612398841432016-01-01T16:41:00.001+11:002016-01-01T16:41:25.000+11:00Goodbye 2015, you rocked!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oh wow. What an amazing year!<br />
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I moved to the US and settled in a little town called Seattle. It is the home of Amazon (work), Microsoft, Boeing, REI, T-Mobile, Theo Chocolate, Nordstrom and many other countries.<br />
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Awesome things happen here and yes they did.<br />
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This year brought me some brilliant new friends.<br />
This year brought me my centre.<br />
This year brought me love and then heartbreak.<br />
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It is a wonderful and successful year.<br />
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I don't even know how to thank everyone. How often do you live a year with no regrets? Let's do that again.<br />
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Thank you to all my friends.<br />
<br />
xx</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-2263401624587606852015-11-20T18:21:00.003+11:002015-11-20T18:21:57.286+11:00Have you ever lost someone you love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.” -- Mitch Albom, For One More Day</blockquote>
</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-56156668515343783252015-11-03T16:31:00.003+11:002015-11-03T16:31:57.532+11:00Guitars and Garters<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Being a girl is a strange thing. Especially when you aren't a normal girl.<br />
<br />
You watch the normal girls and they do normal girl things. They plan huge weddings and look good in white and veils while on their daddy's arm. They post pictures of their engagement rings and their pregnant bellies and their babies and you stare and wonder why you don't want to do that.<br />
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But you're a girl too.<br />
<br />
You like pretty things like very large prime numbers.<br />
You like being in love when they give you space and don't want you to need them.<br />
You liked your parents buying you toys like Lego and chess boards.<br />
You like being looked after when you're feeling sick but you're good otherwise.<br />
You like makeup and clothes but you never think of what the boys will think of them.<br />
<br />
But you can construct your own furniture and set up your own amp and serenade yourself with your own guitar playing and open your own jars.<br />
<br />
And that is not really welcome in this day and age.<br />
<br />
Being a girl is a strange thing. Especially when you aren't a normal girl.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-69420844604272001342015-11-03T16:07:00.000+11:002015-11-03T16:08:34.525+11:00Writing Again<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The writing stopped when the reading started. The chaotic reading that consumed every alternative hour. The balance was lost. The loss was missed.<br />
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And so it paused and was parked and was mute. I was mute.</div>
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It is odd that we have a finite amount of time. Some days that hits me and other days it feels like we have forever. It seems only to be a hard limit when the wall appears in my face while I'm moving at light speed.</div>
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It is time for more balance. For some damn balance. For a semblance of balance at the very least.</div>
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Lets do that then.</div>
</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-68018600010314809152015-11-03T13:19:00.003+11:002015-11-03T13:19:47.996+11:00Love, only love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCbTgymK204kR4APvAvGBKAUfmriArckdI0TXTpbKo8o6ONmhoBysx85wQNXYQYu6jVPvskEYBpC9g2_o_Ew4hgCJOMzcJ-uHxUeDT4sEPugcc9Z4N2YRMegzn_3rTkWXB6KAsgEU3eTA/s1600/love+only+love.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCbTgymK204kR4APvAvGBKAUfmriArckdI0TXTpbKo8o6ONmhoBysx85wQNXYQYu6jVPvskEYBpC9g2_o_Ew4hgCJOMzcJ-uHxUeDT4sEPugcc9Z4N2YRMegzn_3rTkWXB6KAsgEU3eTA/s320/love+only+love.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-78514116068676861852015-11-01T09:12:00.004+11:002015-11-01T09:12:41.450+11:00I accept that, happily<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-L9NcFDPmKV4gAsbuFQ5IOR_3cxkMDqERuJoBEA0p6qyaCZUJ7qRwH2GSg2U0syCDbnP9PjOWi1aa1e3JLW3qebJgJWFd3jKCp0n_UAnLvWB_ED_Z8gOxzOlSjn8IIeDS2jHOkMXSNoU/s1600/just+because.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-L9NcFDPmKV4gAsbuFQ5IOR_3cxkMDqERuJoBEA0p6qyaCZUJ7qRwH2GSg2U0syCDbnP9PjOWi1aa1e3JLW3qebJgJWFd3jKCp0n_UAnLvWB_ED_Z8gOxzOlSjn8IIeDS2jHOkMXSNoU/s1600/just+because.png" /></a></div>
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Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-91231233878677605812015-10-29T19:04:00.002+11:002015-10-29T19:04:43.546+11:00Imposing Generosity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV-kJ5Pykl2K4PJK6eQjvpDjtcLBFda73BIcduno1tApn9INKglwcanCOoBrMPRdlQiydSsiqdTlAfLkMqDk2hUq6hnaWO9rP6BGaApk4k2NL_l2g2WH7vdVJDdnid8m0wAQRzFjzvt8A/s1600/generosity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV-kJ5Pykl2K4PJK6eQjvpDjtcLBFda73BIcduno1tApn9INKglwcanCOoBrMPRdlQiydSsiqdTlAfLkMqDk2hUq6hnaWO9rP6BGaApk4k2NL_l2g2WH7vdVJDdnid8m0wAQRzFjzvt8A/s1600/generosity.jpg" /></a></div>
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Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-53920865683110722762015-10-29T19:01:00.000+11:002015-10-29T19:01:07.469+11:00Realisations<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge63J4CBMulAtQp8B3Huhqq8Ciqjnyo1fqT8TDDsX4uhbwQa7nFxctzkL4tZHDF6nzBck6Jy2FSQshpMDzMeUnat2fKdADIN6yK4IkQhH0ipgOVpI4IqnlXXLOMR4CzE7-XtCFvXoXSo4/s1600/think.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge63J4CBMulAtQp8B3Huhqq8Ciqjnyo1fqT8TDDsX4uhbwQa7nFxctzkL4tZHDF6nzBck6Jy2FSQshpMDzMeUnat2fKdADIN6yK4IkQhH0ipgOVpI4IqnlXXLOMR4CzE7-XtCFvXoXSo4/s1600/think.jpg" /></a></div>
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Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-68564745609093839872015-10-28T13:06:00.000+11:002015-12-06T13:15:20.746+11:00Stop Walking on Eggshells<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_XaB8FpTFGArgycHsbbmq9PwaoGMIuYqZ8eY6Q32oT6ijPCFjwyvHi6MO1XR8sBAEyQjV6YH0OAzcMO73ASdWF7IsfSqE-u5t76VIpzAX5OPd7A9Ev6t0NBGPVOEcmgXDorjYZH7tb-o/s1600/stop.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Book 60 0f 2015 is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901">Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder</a> by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger.<br />
<br />
This was a book I read as part of being a hypochondriac who needs to check out every possible diagnosis for any possible symptom.<br />
<br />
The book is very much for people dealing with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and not people with BPD. There are no tools for the BP (the name given to one with BPD) but a few for those dealing with a BP.<br />
<br />
This highlighted a few things that I had been experiencing and made me take seriously the fallout.<br />
<br />
If you do happen to be living with someone you suspect is BPD then this is a good book for getting sympathy and help.<br />
<br />
3 emotional woundings out of 5.<br />
<br />
<b>Should I read this? </b>Yes, if you are dealing with a BP.<br />
<b>What did I learn?</b> People are cruel.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-63358060344386468232015-09-20T09:00:00.002+10:002015-09-20T09:00:23.712+10:00Quote - It's all messy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiu75AdoDiYBwgcrJ51RLpqYCkG6iCbIFVy4Rr4ZWtLgEfmqLrQb-xvBh68cHEFAAF8KSOgRcnAtEbxC7VZ6_TqQeo8UX7v2DYLdLquj_wmzeQI8rMKdd6wn7pZVVNa_x21Sy2uLlozeg/s1600/messy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiu75AdoDiYBwgcrJ51RLpqYCkG6iCbIFVy4Rr4ZWtLgEfmqLrQb-xvBh68cHEFAAF8KSOgRcnAtEbxC7VZ6_TqQeo8UX7v2DYLdLquj_wmzeQI8rMKdd6wn7pZVVNa_x21Sy2uLlozeg/s320/messy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-58218789592430527072015-08-05T16:50:00.001+10:002015-08-05T16:50:39.079+10:00Everywhere<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8aCWYk8hYe6UZ8H56lD4LI-zS1G9w6H304RBscsMMEG5Q1FUYozud-CpLSyFQZmfbS5AvanZfNztaeVm9PqG-sui5etKsi-pGVYo6kHWxX2lFZUoFJqRneDU9cMI3e4250bpOpzHrXxo/s1600/us.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8aCWYk8hYe6UZ8H56lD4LI-zS1G9w6H304RBscsMMEG5Q1FUYozud-CpLSyFQZmfbS5AvanZfNztaeVm9PqG-sui5etKsi-pGVYo6kHWxX2lFZUoFJqRneDU9cMI3e4250bpOpzHrXxo/s320/us.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I see you everywhere.<br />
<br />
Every bike rider who sweeps passed on the street turns my head. The confident ones, no matter their colour, make me double take to see if it is you.<br />
<br />
When my apartment is buzzed, I answer and wait to hear that it is you. It never is. There is a gasp of hope and anticipation and then a thump as my heart is bitch slapped by reality.<br />
<br />
You are gone.<br />
<br />
That is OK.<br />
<br />
I'd rather you be happy.<br />
<br />
I lie in bed and close my eyes and imagine you sleeping next to me. With my insomnia, I used to watch you sleep. Your eyelids would flutter and you'd sigh at whatever you were dreaming. I'd kiss you and like the kissing ninja you are, you'd kiss me back mid-sleep as if you saw me coming every time. Those were the moments I spent with you that you didn't spend with me, consciously.<br />
<br />
For all the drama and the pain that you caused, I will confirm that it was worth it.<br />
<br />
Thank you for the ride of my life. Thank you for the first true love of my life.<br />
<br />
I'd change nothing. Nothing.<br />
<br />
Now, go do amazing things and know I love you.<br />
<br />
Stoopid immune system.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-25903543700624645422015-07-21T16:13:00.000+10:002015-07-21T16:13:30.545+10:00You: A Novel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/You-A-Novel-Caroline-Kepnes/dp/1476785597"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGuOqEdJ8ylAQkzIcuBwcRNRJPi7KUpcaxEBRiBRQLvZSMTtGN2w6H1JliwwAVdKPjMO3wM82RIosLzNkGdLOrFbldWxH9ROv0xIVAcIwkMWzjWXolh6g2GfPZBSy30ba8_q6zodhbYv0/s320/Caroline+Kepnes+You.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<br />
Book 34 of 2015 is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/You-A-Novel-Caroline-Kepnes/dp/1476785597">You</a> by Caroline Kepnes.<br />
<br />
I read this 432 page book in around 28 hours. Not on a weekend. I started on Sunday night and had to work a full day of work on the Monday. My obsessiveness can only be likened to that of the main character.<br />
<br />
It is hard to describe why I couldn't put this book down but I really couldn't. It is a page turner. That could be it's references to all sorts of reading material or the awful references to Dan Brown being good. Who knows? I simply couldn't stop looking at the train wreck.<br />
<br />
As someone who has had a stalker break in to my house and take the clothes I'd last slept in, I am a little more alarmed than I ever was. It is hard not to see the world through the eyes of a mostly sane person. This shows you what a stalker is really thinking and oh my gawd, I'm alarmed and not just alert now.<br />
<br />
The writing is good. The plot is understandable and crazy as hell. Having fallen deeply in love recently meant that I had felt strong emotions that he echoed. I hope my love isn't that insane. Erotomania is a problem that we dismiss but with the amount of violence against women, we have to take the obsession mixed with entitlement a lot more seriously.<br />
<br />
4 delusional assumptions out of 5.<br />
<br />
<b>Should I read this?</b> Humans with vaginas should read this.<br />
<b>What did I learn?</b> You have no idea what is in the mind of the person trying to seduce you. Get Mace.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-31804212680164474522015-07-16T04:43:00.001+10:002015-07-16T04:45:26.304+10:00The Tao of Pooh<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Tao-Pooh-Benjamin-Hoff/dp/0140067477"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjieQjPCe6JlVzhMkIp_kGjT97cB5XmwB1CfrcK1EfV0-0Cp6W7YonRnQSnYInfiaGckrVRTTTxwT6a1-iqfvDLbLyoUvYoSBfxecH0CZtAfjjufIAZfL7SYjQmOagAGzDOUIS4ci3eS50/s320/The_Tao_of_Pooh%2528book%2529_cover.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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<br />
Book 33 of 2015 is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Tao-Pooh-Benjamin-Hoff/dp/0140067477">The Tao of Pooh</a> by Benjamin Hoff.<br />
<br />
There is nothing to not like about this book. I am even now considering if I'm an existentialist, as I once thought or a Taoist. I do know that I am part Pooh, part Tigger and part Eyore. That's not a bad thing.<br />
<br />
5 honey pots out of 5.<br />
<br />
<b>Should I read this? </b>You should read this if you like learning about new ways of thinking or you like Winnie the Pooh.<br />
<b> What did I learn?</b> You will learn not to sweat the small things.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-32714129250860767942015-07-14T15:30:00.000+10:002015-07-14T15:30:46.323+10:00Secrets She Left Behind<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Left-Behind-Diane-Chamberlain/dp/0778315509"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkW4wJA6iGVQpU2GUiWKS16lLCMdi3CaQ5VnzkWbohTe3a4bVgSbabUIKfUeuwnCMSbWIb3kHqwn3sxbpP-sTrVHCWIxlbrzyv2Y_8ndMoLYEifxHiPIK812lCNQduSRhjsG2NVsygAXg/s320/secrets.jpg" width="205" /></a></div>
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<br />
Book 32 of 2015 is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Left-Behind-Diane-Chamberlain/dp/0778315509">Secrets She Left Behind</a> by Diane Chamberliain.<br />
<br />
The funniest thing about reading this book is that I didn't realise it was the second in the <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/series/82897-before-the-storm">Before the Storm</a> series. It stands alone and I didn't even suspect I'd missed a thing starting here. That is a well written series book.<br />
<br />
If I'd bothered to read the back of this book rather than go purely off the ratings, I'd not have read it at all. It sounds very dramatic and incestuous and girly but I'd have missed a very good story and one that is written well.<br />
<br />
If you want a little teen angst and lioness mothers protecting their young then this is the book. The men who cause all the trouble are sidelined characters and it is more about the way the amazing women and their involuntarily strong children handle the outcome of their lust and bad behaviour. That in itself is a good plot.<br />
<br />
This is a good read but don't break it up as much as I did. Read it faster and without three other books going at the same time.<br />
<br />
4 half-siblings out of 5.<br />
<br />
<b>Should I read this?</b> You should read this is you feel like your family isn't complex enough to burn down a church.<br />
<b>What did I learn?</b> We all mean well, even if we do things that seem selfish and crazy at the time.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-2582452194866123992015-07-07T16:18:00.001+10:002015-07-07T16:18:57.994+10:00The Fold<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Fold-Novel-Peter-Clines/dp/0553418297"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRQ-5pnuAsMoArlBuHF7PEt6BRf9xp3D4Es5H6kPU0Xzj8YNqYQgmxXHx9pbJr-crK3lp2mnzytRkJ-aeeuqqQPLaLCTCkwO2OSZaF707sbNFWYp2Cn4pMPrbd8eTvwWVcoWwpXgWRLGc/s320/the+fold.jpg" width="210" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Book 31 of 2015 is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Fold-Novel-Peter-Clines/dp/0553418297">The Fold</a> by Peter Clines.<br />
<br />
This one was an audio book and was narrated by a gentleman called Ray Porter, who has changed my mind about audio books which I am not a huge fan of. He read this so well that I know I would have found it different if I had read it myself. Different and not as good.<br />
<br />
Since getting back in to science fiction, I am wondering why I haven't spent more of my life reading it when I obviously love sci-fi TV and movies. This is another one of those books that makes me slap myself for not reading more. This is good on almost every level. There is mystery, science, fantastical creatures and great suspense wrapped in action.<br />
<br />
4 space time continua out of 5.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Should I read this? </b>If you like sci-fi then yes.<br />
<b>What did I learn? </b>Sometimes everyone just feels a little out of place in their lives and maybe there is a reason for that.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-91151219982026788482015-07-02T13:13:00.001+10:002015-07-02T13:13:54.791+10:00Looking For Alaska<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Looking-Alaska-John-Green/dp/0142402516"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpMigSH2mBx4hCgMBYrqwKGcb4aacFdCRVdekQiqRVhe36wKJUIgH0-v9w9l7ImPblODXimHN3-1Ac3FGeFSkskJuEsxhXWInFVcEfhpTyldchYcA8BiMmTOmDO06TvCnELF12Ir_tX7w/s320/Looking_for_Alaska_original_cover.jpg" width="220" /></a></div>
<br />
Book 30 of 2015 is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Looking-Alaska-John-Green/dp/0142402516">Looking for Alaska</a> by John Green.<br />
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He is one of those best selling authors that you always intend to read but are not sure what to expect. This was what I expected. A book written for young adults with the pretense of depth and a whole lot of quotes strung together.<br />
<br />
There are audiences for this book, I am sure. They are just not me.<br />
<br />
The characters are predictable. The plot is obvious. It is something John Hughes would direct.<br />
<br />
This is for young people. Hey you kids, get off my lawn!<br />
<br />
3 teenage crushes out of 5.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Should I read this?</b> Only if you are between the ages of 13 and 16 years and haven't embraced the good books your English teachers keep pushing on you.<br />
<b>What did I learn?</b> The trauma experienced by white middle class American kids cannot hold my attention for more than about... oh look, a castle!<br />
<br /></div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-21471221724140878902015-06-27T15:43:00.001+10:002015-06-27T15:43:55.394+10:00The Dragons of Dorcastle<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Dragons-Dorcastle-Pillars-Reality/dp/B00M8HDFN2"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggzbRWOHTKMphUc0Fo2XKpSDozO3oxp1yyMEve9SuYDP5ttoaS6FOW-nrF11LKZIAiSr_7NyXAZD2wmyjFZd6_YvqGCrzleAEmzdmXm4ueB6MTdmBRw82Xetoj433WnJWY9LmATUQBpGQ/s320/dragons+of+d.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
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<br />
<br />
Book 29 of 2015 is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Dragons-Dorcastle-Pillars-Reality/dp/B00M8HDFN2">The Dragons of Dorcastle</a> by Jack Campbell.<br />
<br />
It is the first book in the Pillars of Reality series which I am no considering reading.<br />
<br />
It is your typical female engineer not respected in a man's world meets a sensitive boy with no social skills. Yes, I related to that part a little too much.<br />
<br />
The writing is simple and effective. The read was not challenging and the story was engaging.<br />
<br />
Jack Campbell does not write the in workings of the female mind well and the main female protagonist comes across in a Bella Swan way a few times but she is redeemed by her actions and overall character.<br />
<br />
Going back to reading fantasy is always a pleasure but it also reminds me that a lot of fantasy is just Mills & Boon for guys.<br />
<br />
3.5 guild wars out of 5.<br />
<br />
<b>Should I read this? </b>Yes. I will at least read the next book. If you like fantasy and don't mind a but of a love story with dragons then this is for you.<br />
<b>What did I learn?</b> Geeks and geek dysfunction is so mainstream these days that every day books are portraying that life. I think that is an all-around good thing.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-45600775844837058532015-06-23T16:27:00.000+10:002015-06-23T16:27:32.634+10:00Thief's Magic<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.trudicanavan.com/books/millenniums-rule-trilogy/thiefs-magic-2/"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN2fHTNqoChwMyWPZiXLpuOSnw8AXF9r3qLkZ8DAavuUS1VRoZmQY4W1f2yUQo4JS8a1eTCom6NpprwhbYDGxwe0J4U-Dxn-GhewDzxBwQVTdvarSMFytAw4JKV8ekQ9n_XuNu0EPXFyQ/s320/Thief%2527s+Magic.jpg" width="198" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Book 28 of 2015 is <a href="http://www.trudicanavan.com/books/millenniums-rule-trilogy/thiefs-magic-2/">Thief's Magic</a> by Trudi Canavan.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Ok, this woman is one of my favourite Aussie writers. I loved <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28249.The_Magicians_Guild">The Black Magician</a> trilogy. Far too much fantasy is written by men and often feels like a bad porno mixed with Mills & Boon in another dimension where people don't shower often.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Fantasy written by female authors has more dimensions. I'm not being sexist! It really does.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The thing that disappointed me about this is that she is writing a trilogy and not a story. She is doing a Wheel of Time set up that obviously sucks you in but doesn't actually satisfy anything. What I loved about Black Magician was that the story held strong the whole time. You didn't have to finish the journey. You wanted to.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I won't be reading the rest of the books despite my loyalty. It just wasn't good enough. Cut the complexity and got back to good story writing.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Three colliding destinies out of five.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<b>Should I read this? </b>No. There are MUCH better series to get suck in to. This is not even close to one of them.<br />
<b>What did I learn? </b>Your favourite writer can sell out to get richer and that sucks.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3839966558511041534.post-42049471338404587912015-06-15T16:35:00.001+10:002015-06-15T16:35:39.166+10:00Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Book 27 of 2015 is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Hanging-Without-Other-Concerns-ebook/dp/B004JN1D3M/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8">Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)</a><span id="goog_1701041603"></span><span id="goog_1701041604"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a> by Mindy Kaling.<br />
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Another memoir by a celebrity that I have never heard of until picking up this book.<br />
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She is endearing and funny but in the same way she says that she doesn't like women infantilizing themselves, she goes right ahead and does it anyway. That kind of sums up the entire book. She comes across as having self awareness and then demonstrates a lack of it.<br />
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Yes, she is successful and brilliant but she comes across in writing as a clueless spoiled little rich Indian girl brought up in the US to parents who are doctors.<br />
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Her trials are trials or she isn't honest about any pain. There is next to nothing that made this worth the read. Maybe she needs to live a little longer and not write a teeny memoir with no interesting events at age 30 something.<br />
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2 spoiled little rich girls out of 5.<br />
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<b>Should I read this?</b> No. Try Tina Fey or Amy Poehler's autobiographies first. This women needs to live a little more before trying to write another book. I'm sure she writes comedy well but this doesn't make me want to watch anything she writes. Such a shame because I had high hopes.<br />
<b>What did I learn?</b> You can't make up having had a challenging life when you haven't at all.</div>
Damana Maddenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00506368430609135921noreply@blogger.com0