Monday, 10 December 2012
There are so many people who I have interacted with lately who are a whirlpool of inconsistencies. They say one thing. They do another. They think they think but they really just apply logic to their emotional responses.
For all my flaws (and they are vast), I have one thing going for me. I am quite self-aware. Yes, I still do stupid stuff but I have the skills to sit down and work out why I really did what I did. Sometimes it takes seconds, sometimes hours and sometimes years. In the end though, I can attribute my actions or my emerging feelings to real human reasons.
Maybe I fear something so I figuratively hit it with a stick. Sometimes I resist something due to a trigger and it takes me a long time to realise the trigger is something that I've hit before many times. Sometimes I cry and although I think it is out of sadness, it is out of anger or joy or confusion.
Logical people are the worst. They make a decision quickly and attribute their actions to that very rational reason. Often, logical people are hyper-rational in an attempt to control the loss of control that emotional reaction has.
Lots of things are lower level. They come from our lizard brain (yes, yes, I know that's not biologically true) but they can be tempered with mindfulness.
Mindfulness is not about controlling your emotions or thoughts of responses. It is about taking in the whole situation and slowing down until you're dodging bullets in a Matrix like fashion. Then you can work out what is what and who is who and why is when. Sometimes, you don't work it out and just ride the wave until it takes you to your destination.
Rather than applying reason where there is none or even the wrong reason to an action and giving someone interacting with you whiplash, take a step back and try to work out why. Most often, it isn't the worst assumption possible that is driving it. Often it is a small thing or a nothing that has blown in to a huge thing.
Sometimes we are just grumpy and it has nothing to do with anything. We just are.
Try to align your thoughts, your words and your actions with their real sources and don't make up are good reason for your bad behaviour.
Sometimes we just behave badly.