Sunday, 15 May 2011

Fail

I don't know about the rest of you but I am reminded at least once a week that I am failing as an adult.

There are explicit criticisms about the way I spend my spare time. There are implicit judgements about that fact that I don't have a house or a car or any solid plan for life. Then I'm told that I share too much online. I also don't tell people enough about what I'm trying to achieve in life.

It's starting to get old.

I have done the responsible adult thing. The conformist thing with the marriage and house and husband and friends to have dinner parties with. You all saw how that worked out.

So now, I just want to find stability and happiness in the different parts of my life. Get my savings re-established after 2 years of crippling depression and inconsistent income. Make my brain chemistry function properly on it own, using only the life tools that therapy has taught me and not big pharma solutions. Find a way to trust people again after so much betrayal.

And it comes down to this... whoever wants to judge me can. They can find me lacking. They can disapprove of the way my life is run. They can gather their thoughts and keep them to themselves because I'm frankly sick of it.

Unless you've lived an unblemished life then you have no right to tell me how to live mine. Even then, I'll probably do whatever I damn please anyway.

3 comments:

Muse of Flights of Fancy said...

Just discovered your blog, and I love it. I loved this entry. It is exactly how I feel these days, people can judge me if they like, it won't affect me anymore. Those who find me lacking can go get farked Those who find me entertaining can hang around if they like. Everyone else I don't even think about.

Is there a way I can "follow" your blog, there doesn't seem to be a link to it.

Natasha

Bemaia said...

I love you. That's what I'll always tell you.:)

Mana said...

Bernie, I'll always tell you the truth. Love to heaps and heaps, my beautiful friend.