I used to write with such passion and conviction.
Things made me angry. Things made me happy. Things made me feel feelings.
Of late, that has petered out. Somehow lost in a Prozac haze and over-shadowed by real life and responsibilities and... stuff.
It's not that I miss the roller-coaster of emotions that came with depression. Hell no! It just got far too mellow and numb to be on the anti-depressants.
As I emerge from the mist of depression and the auto-tune of being medicated (which did help massively), the passion for life is returning. It's not a hypo-manic ride of good and bad. It is more of an absence of numbness. Being alive again.
Do you know that point when you've eaten a yummy dinner and you feel perfectly full and content? That is how it feels.
Damana is coming home.
4 comments:
I wish you all the best of luck with it. I'm glad you're with your family -- coming off ADs can be a very bumpy ride (I've done it before myself), but they will take good care of you. It is nice being off them, when you're ready for it.
For as long as I can remember there's been this belief that being content is bad and that you must always be driving forward, striving for more, fighting on. I think it's BS. For years I've struggled to be better or more of something and it's exhausting.
In the last 7 months I've worked out that not only is there such a place as contentment, but also that it's kind of awesome. Don't get me wrong, the drive still exists, but contentment is a more solid base to push off from when I want to dive forward into something.
You are inspiring to me, thank-you for sharing your battles as well as your victories and snippets of enlightenment.
Alice, I have but two weeks left until I'm home free and it has been a very easy withdrawal. Am always lucky like that :) Thanks for the kind wishes.
Alison, I agree contentment is much under-rated. It seems that people think pushing to make happiness will achieve it. The truth is more that if you are happy and content then you will succeed at everything :)
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