Friday, 25 March 2011

Trust Degraded

One of my New Year's Resolution was to be more open to different kinds of people in the world. To not judge and reject people because they failed to meet a set criteria for those I would associate with.

For the last three months, that attitude has seen an array of characters waltz in and out of my life. It has to be said that I have never made a more stupid of harmful resolution in my entire life.

It was a mistake.

I have been used, abused, fooled, embarrassed, humiliated, hurt and brutally re-educated by the lowest forms of life, crawling this pretty enough planet.

Men have told me all I want to hear and then turned on me. Women have gained my trust, only to betray it so easily.

Wow! What a seedy world there is underneathe that one that I inhabit. There be dragons.

Resolutions are a good idea because they give you a new set of rules by which to try new things and reform your life. They don't always work. It's not often they fail so miserably for me but I guess that happens.

My trust has been degraded but I am learning more about myself and the environment around me. Is this a bad thing? Yes and no. It menas I will be less trusting but that is a good thing. Am I learning? Yes and no. Some of the things I am learning suck though and I wish I didn't have to suffer so much to gain the knowledge. Has this changed me for the better? Yes and no. I see that there is so much bad in the world but the contrast has made me appreciate the good.

For the record, this resolution has stopped dead. There will be no more accepting idiots for who they are and thinking they are deep-down good types. Nope, first impressions. Trust my instincts. Be less bleeding heart and more realistic.


Alison said...

Though it may seem quite cynical in nature my resolution for this year was to not be taken advantage of. I tend to go out of my way to help people, sometimes at great expense to myself. There are times when it is appreciated and helps somebody but there are other times when it may be appreciated but there is no end to the taking.

It's not about being a cold, hard, cynic but more about finding that line that still allows me to help and support people but not be taken for a ride.

dekrazee1 said...

It sounds less like trust and more like giving people a huge benefit of the doubt when the evidence is contrary (going by your last paragraph).

Trust isn't about ignoring your instincts and the evidence. It's about getting to know people and expecting a set of behaviour based on ~what you've learnt about them in the past~.

It sounds like you decided you should be more open and trusting, and applied it across the board, even to the unnice people in the world. That then sounds like you're either wanting to or waiting for a change in the person.

Maybe a re-resolution could be - trust with prudence? :)